Lazyhead's Birthday Present

Is it an ice-cream cone?

“No”

A termite’s home?

“No”

A diplo-platy-saurus bone?

“No”

Hmm…

Is it…

A tepee?

A golf tee?

A Christmas tree?

“Nope”

Hmmm…

Oh! I know! Well, I think I might – could it be a stalagmite?

No, no, no, that isn’t right! I meant to say a stalagtite!

“Nope”

Oh…

Is it…

A giant pin, to make a giant balloon pop?

Or could it be a mountain top?

An alp? An Ande or a Pyranee?

Did you buy one of those for me?

“Nope”

Oh.

Is it…

A magical unicorn’s magical horn,

Or a sketch of an apple (woefully drawn),

Or an old pirate horse’s old wooden leg,

Or a triclops laundrette’s best wooden peg?

Or a strange shaped sieve for strange shaped flour,

Or a Pyramid, or the Eiffel Tower?

Or a golden funnel for pouring fluid,

Or hat for a witch, or a hat for a druid?

Or a yard-long glass for drinking ale,

Or a crocodile’s unwanted tail?

Or a walrus-tooth-warmer for a walrus’s tooth,

Or that thing that castles have on the roof,

Or the arm of a starfish, the arm of a star,

Or part of a rhino, or part of a car?

Or a cave that starts wide, and gradually narrows,

Or one of those bags for carrying arrows?

Or could it be Marge Simpson’s hair?

Or a thimble for a long-clawed bear?

Or a mutant courgette, a misshapen banana,

Or a nuclear-fallout-affected sultana?

Or a jolly big thorn from a jolly big rose,

Or a full-scale model of a swordfish’s nose?

Or is it something you stole from a man?

Like one of those hoods from the Ku Klux Klan,

Or an Easter hat that looks just the same?

(You know, like the ones that they wear in Spain)

Or is it a dibber? (That’s a gardening tool)

Or is it a rather uncomfortable stool?

Or a very tall bowl with a very long spoon,

Or a dormouse’s rocket to fly to the moon?

Is it…

A megaphone? A traffic cone?

Or the tail of an Indian parrot?

Oh! Hang on! I know what it is!

You bought me a …

PARSNIP!